I wear my heart on my sleeve.
Having it there - where all can see - showing those who I love how I feel is risky.
It's the riskiest thing I do.
Having it on my sleeve means not knowing how people will treat it. Because, truth be told, I do not guard it well. All because I care more about the heart of others than I do my own.
I know I need to stop doing it. It is a hard habit to break - leaving the heart on my sleeve where it can get bumped and smushed at times. Knowing someone could inadvertently or deliberately hurt it - thereby hurting me.
But putting it away means losing faith in people. It means losing myself. While it shields me from pain, it also shields me from the other things - joy, bliss, love, laughter. It is like a giant mute - when my heart is in a safe place.
So I know I risk it on my sleeve.
And for those who have access to my heart - friends, family, people I love.....
.....I only ask this.....
treat it well.
Because wearing my heart on my sleeve means I trust you, means I love you, and means I am willing to be vulnerable so that I can care - so I can laugh with you - and cry with you - and celebrate with you.
All I ask is that you actively do the same with me.
Because feeling like the lone person in a room - with a heart on my sleeve - being vulnerable and taking risk - makes me feel stupid sometimes. Makes me wonder why I don't go crawl into a box. Makes me feel like the risk isn't worth it.
And when I do crawl in my box for a while, I only hope someone crouches down at it's entrance, reaches in a hand, and pulls me out for a hug.
Because there is only so many times that I can be the one doing that for others.....
.....before I want to crawl into my box, and put my heart away for a while.
The native act and figure of my heart
In compliment extern, 'tis not long after
But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve
For daws to peck at: I am not what I am.
For when my outward action doth demonstrate~Shakespeare's Othello